Always ;

2012-02-15T19:27:00.005+08:00

So,

came across some depressing stuff written by some juniors.

and realized,

perhaps i have forgotten how it was like to feel depressed.

cause one day you will be happy.

you will smile,

you will laugh,

you will realize how stupid you were to care so much.

you will find out how you'd fretted so much about useless things,

cried and hurt yourself over people and things not worth it.

cause one day they will be left behind,

under dust and forgotten bits.

cause one day the once important things will lose their shine,

words heard and said will dissolve like sparks.

and you will smile,

you will laugh.

you will choose amongst the many bits,

be able to let go of things you don't want to hold on to.

cause one day the scars will fade,

the people who created them will never get you again.

when i was clearing up stuff in my room today,

i came across a whole stack of birthday and chinese new year cards.

with envelopes and stamps,

address and love.

handwritten and posted,

with paper and ink.

mostly from my late primary school years,

and early secondary school years,

from people who've meant so much,

people who've drifted apart,

people who're now strangers.

i found a handful dated 2007, February,

chinese new year cards,

with pink envelopes.

at the age of thirteen,

in a brand new school.

form one.

from now lost friends,

friends i hardly even remember being friends.

friends i hardly remember sitting together in the canteen during recess.

but the memory is there,

and they were there,

that i cannot deny.

a handful of cards,

handwritten,

passed along with smiles at the corridor of the school,

friends i hardly remember being friends,

writing lines and lines of,

"Best Friends Forever!",

and,

"Friendship Forever!",

accompanied by smileys, and hearts.

friends i hardly remember being friends,

a big part forgotten,

a small part remains.

i do not believe,

in best friends forever.

as depressing and pessimistic that sounds,

life's like that.

i had a handful of friends i wanted to forever keep,

but when the time is up,

i had to let go.

if its getting harder,

and you're struggling to hold on,

it's okay to let it slip.

only the true ones are worth the hold.

and which are the ones you will figure out as you go on.

no one will tell you,

but as you go on you will know.

a stack of cards and pink envelopes,

carefully stashed away into a box,

placed in the depths of the cupboard.

in ten more years they might surface again.

different time,

different heart,

different maturity,

and maybe,

just maybe,

different friends.

friends forever. :)

2012-02-13T15:54:00.002+08:00

"A day spent enjoyed is a day well spent."

Using this to convince myself that it's okay to spend a day at home lying around and doing practically nothing!

Oh nooo.

Time actually passes fast like that.

2012-02-12T22:13:00.003+08:00

Currently;

-RUNNING MAN :)

-Nineteen Minutes -Jodi Picoult.

-Blue Eyed Boy -Joanne Harris.

Omg just now when we got back from dinner the sky was lightened up with lightning.

non-stop lightning, which went on for like, one hour.

freaked me out.

it didn't help one bit with my mum's exclaimations of 'It looks like the end of the world!'

Ok soooo.

singletine's day in two days!

will be spending it at home with my lazy cat and running man.

just can't wait.

i'm missing work btwwww. :(

it's so weird feeling so blank and free.

somehow i miss the tiring days and eyebags and muscle aches. :)

home alone again starting tomorrow! :)

have a wonderful week everybody!

2012-02-10T21:17:00.003+08:00

long time since i laughed SO hard ahahaha.

all thanks go to :

RUNNING MAN! :)

spent the whole afternoon laughing alone at home since everyone's out.

now i'm so exhausted from all the laughing.

oh god so tired.

2012-02-07T21:21:00.000+08:00

Must.do.something.productive.

2012-02-03T11:39:00.002+08:00

I shall know when you give me one. -Peter Pan.

2012-01-31T19:54:00.001+08:00

i'm standing at a crossroad.
why are life choices so hard.

2012-01-31T15:40:00.004+08:00

Soo,

January is ending in one more day.

Have been feeling pretty nostalgic recently,

especially after joining a primary school reunion.

i was actually feeling reluctant whether i should go for it or not, and i almost did not.

but i'm ever so glad i made it there. :)

like my mum says,

everyone's either started college already, or are going to,

and after this,

perhaps it'll be a long long time before we get to get together again.

Reunions are always easily said than held anyway,

because as we grow older everyday,

we also become more engaged in our own lives,

more busy,

and more apart from each other,

both emotionally, and physically.

not to also forget the awkwardness between long lost friends. *awkward flag gesture* (hahaha i hope you're reading this rachel xxx )

but,

i must say that this time it was a success.

not many turned up,

considering we had a class of 49 people.

but this reunion left a warm, fuzzy feeling in me all along, and at the moment i got home.

i wonder how long will it be till our next meet,

probably, next year?

that's if we care enough to make it possible,

because sometimes classmates five years ago seem so far away we don't even really care.

one more day apart makes one reunion harder.

every batch needs at least one person who cares enough to make reunions possible.

honestly,

i am not such a person,

and organizing meet ups is not my thing,

but i'm glad that we do have such people who really care about six years worth of primary school friendship. :)

can't wait till the next time we meet. x

soo,

secondary school mates, reunion, jom? :)

2012-01-28T09:45:00.001+08:00

i think i forgot how to blog.

hello people happy chaineseeee new year :)

Andddd,

i'm off for breakfast.

Happy Saturday everybody! :)

2012-01-18T22:26:00.002+08:00

I think i have a crush.

hahahhaha omg.

forget it forget it.

but still.

he's SO cute when he smiles.

ok back to reporting what i've been up to nowadays.

i've been working.

like, obviously.

and sleeping, eating, working, sleeping, sleeping, working, eating.

practically, that's all.

work seems to take up my whole day.

like, seriously.

but now that i'm stopping in two days,

i swear i'm feeling awful.

in this two weeks i've known a bunch of wonderful people.

they are SO nice.

when i told them i'll be stopping because of transport problems,

four of them said they'd be glad to let me hitch rides on their motorcycles to and fro work.

i swear i'd miss them so much.

and stopping work would mean i'll be having time in my hands to worry about my future and so on.

one thing i've been trying to avoid and succeeded in doing so after being so busy.

but not anymore after this.

i'll have to come face to face and deal with that big question about "What's next?"

So not looking forward.

i am so tired.

ok there's not a day when i'm not tired now.

but at least i feel productive at the end of everyday,

and that's what matters. :)

Life's good.

I have a crush.

hahahaha ok.

bye.

2012-01-12T23:00:00.002+08:00

Hey.

So i got home at 930 pm, went straight to the fridge,

and got myself a glass of chocolate milk.

And that was all i needed to end a long day with a perfect full stop.

Genuine happiness.

So i've been working for eight days.

and somehow i'd got myself a few bruises, and wake up everyday with muscle aches.

no idea how though.

what do i feel about working.

i guess it's not as easy as i expected it to be.

when the manager first warned me that it'll be a tiring job i didn't believe him.

how would i know that i won't even have time to sit down.

but still,

it is kinda fun.

the people there are so nice!

they yell at me: "Amoiiiiiiii, ambik order laaaaaa."

hahaha.

Our new house iz sho awesome i swear.

And huge.

i guess any house with a staircase will seem huge to me cause i've been living in a single storey unit for like, ten years?

can't wait to retire as soon as possible and stay here 24/7 feeding the cat and watering the flowers.

ok i guess i gotta ciaooo.

Working tomorrow morning shift!

Wish me all the best. x

Annnnnnnnnd,

thank you to all you lovely people for coming to visit me at sushi king! :)

Totally made me smile non stop. :)

thank you suhaimie for walking me home for three days and keeping me safe from you-know-who. hahahaha thank you :)

2012-01-05T08:32:00.002+08:00

God bless me
God bless me
God bless me.
Let today be better than yesterday.
Let tomorrow be better than today.
Please.

2012-01-04T09:39:00.006+08:00

ohaiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

so its like, 2012 already.

couldn't feel much of a difference, really.

but it's a good feeling knowing there is a difference, somehow, somewhere there.

so we've been pretty busy for the past few days settling down with stuff at the new house. :)

gonna move in soon, sooner than i have ever expected.

and yesterday i went for the undang exam,

and trust me it's the biggest nightmare ever.

thank god i passed or else i think i'm going to give up on driving forever if it means i'll have to go there again and wait for like, 6 goddamn hours just to answer an exam.

i never want to do that again, seriously.

my mum was like, what, life is all about waiting anyway.

i swear i was so fed up i didn't even bother checking and came out the moment i finished.

which is, 16 minutes for a 45 minutes exam.

imagine i waited 6 hours for that 16 minutes.

almost died.

ok you can't imagine how dreadful that was,

but trust me it was so, so bad. :/

conclusion,

bad day.

first bad day in 2012.

may there be no more!

starting work today! 9 hours shift from 12 noon to 9.

may i survive.

what do you see in me.

i think its time for you to find someone else. :)

let go let go.

you'll be happier that way.

2011-12-31T12:54:00.006+08:00

31st December 2011. :)

One day away from a huge difference.

In a year,

too much has happened,

too many people have come and left,

too many memories are created,

too many things and moments i want to hold on to and never let go.

One of the most important events of 2011 is the graduation of the batch '94 from high school.

One of the most different things about the leap of 2011 to 2012 is that we will no longer walk the familiar route into school anymore.

One of the most emotional things of the end of a year is knowing that time flies by and waits for no one.

School has taught me too much.

too much of too many things i will never forget.

too many people who will forever remain significant.

too many people i want to continue appreciating.

too much love.

too many moments.

i do not have a huge circle of friends.

but still, i have too many people i want to thank.

too many feelings i cannot put into words.

All i want to say is thank you to all of you who've existed in my life of this wonderful year.

Every single one of you who made this year so beautiful.

People who held on to me through thick and thin.

People who have smiled at me and made my day.

People i may not know much but have spent wonderful moments with.

Basically, everyone i know.

All of you are like bits of jigsaw puzzle,

holding on to me and making my year complete. :)

Standing by me and making this journey a beautiful one.

I love all of you with all my heart.

Forgive me for my wrongdoings, any of my immature ways, harsh words. Any of my ungratefulness, my selfishness. Anything i have done, either intentionally or unintentionally, that have hurt any of you in any way.

Forgive me for being flawed,

for being imperfect,

for being a kid still growing up.

You guys are wonderful people and i am such a lucky person to have all of you in my life.

Happy New Year in advance, everybody.

Forget the pain and what has hurt you in the past, but never forget what it has taught you.

Do not live in the memories, but never forget the moments that have made your days worthwhile, and keep them close to heart.

This is not much , but thank you for reading. :)

Miss all your yesterdays as much as you want,

but do not wish going back to them,

for you were a different person then. :)

And 2012 is a different year for you.

2011-12-31T12:10:00.001+08:00

31st January 2011.

One day away from a huge difference. :)

2011-12-30T19:49:00.004+08:00

I swear he is so so so so irresistibly comel.

Like, oh my god

Miura Haruma,

marry me.

2011-12-30T14:11:00.004+08:00

When was the last time i had an injection?

My head hurts and my arm hurts and why did the doctor have to inject on my left arm.

A brand new chapter of life is approaching.

i can't predict what's going to happen,

and i can't really do anything about it,

so i guess i'll just sit here and wait for things to drop into place.

Lifeless much.

Been to Ikea twice in two days,

reaching home at midnight.

After about 10 years settled here,

we're finally moving. :)

I'm feeling the excitement for the first time since the news were announced.

Fingers crossed that everything goes well.

Gonna start capturing angles of daddy's masterpiece! :)

Anywayy,

Starting work on the 4th.

Wish me luck.

2011-12-25T22:46:00.002+08:00

It is eleven o'clock.

Merry Christmas fellow readers :)

Enjoy it while it lasts, the last hour may be the most magical.

I'm exhausted.

Singapore is beautiful with its glittering christmas lights and magnificent Christmas trees.

All along the street people are singing christmas carols and dancing to christmas music.

I'm in love with the mood eventhough i'm not celebrating. x

Anyway,

2011 is ending in 6 days.

It's time for a brand new list of new year resolutions.

Have a good night's sleep world. :)

2011-12-21T01:00:00.007+08:00

Why can't you be contented with what you have.

Life's not always smooth but you can always try to be happy. :)

some of my happiness inspirations come from here x

it's just that,

sometimes things are not as bad as they seem.

as we swim in this ocean we have to brave tides in order to reach the shore.

sometimes it takes sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence.

stay strong.

you've always been.

when the waves come and crash upon you,

just take a deep breath,

turn away,

and smile.

life goes on,

the world does not end.

tomorrow will be a shinning day.

i sound so optimistic all of a sudden.

its just that after reading some emo stuff written by people,

i start wondering if they're really heartbroken or they're just making a big deal about nothing at all...

it confuses me.

i mean, why are you heartbroken when you have a wonderful family and wonderful friends and a life without hardships?

Don't tell me its love.

i don't know.

maybe i do not understand what you're going through,

but think twice.

do you really have no reason to be happy?

its not that i have any right to judge all this,

but sometimes i can't stand it when people don't appreciate what they already have but cry over what they do not own.

no hard feelings yeah,

good luck in whatever you're going through. :)

少年不识愁滋味,为赋新诗强说愁.

fingers crossed for a beautiful day tomorrow!

going jogging x

2011-12-20T15:38:00.002+08:00

i like fresh milk with milo powder! :3

harry potter and the sorcerer's stone is playing on tv.

i am rotting at home.

someone please ask me out tomorrow hahahha.

2011-12-19T13:59:00.009+08:00

'I won't ever leave you, even though you're always leaving me.'

Wonderful, beautiful book.

bought it at the bookfair months ago and started reading months ago but only finished reading in the airplane last night.

Sometimes words are indescribable.

-The Time Traveler's Wife ; Audrey Nifenegger.

i miss plenty of people.

i wonder if i'm being missed.

been sleeping so much my head hurts.

perhaps after a while all the important things will lose their significance and become totally unimportant things in our life.

all the important people will be replaced by new strangers and all the important days will only remain to be remembered occasionally.

by then our paths will no longer meet,

and all the sweet words you've said will float around like dreams.

i will try to catch them but will be left with a handful of dust,

and nothing more.

2011-12-18T15:12:00.003+08:00

Going back to reality.

I'm scared.

Did a lot of thinking during the long bus rides here,

but once i gained confidence and reached certainty,

the next moment i'm left with nothing else.

nothing except darkness, more confusion, and a migraine.

Bali is beautiful.

the people are wonderful.

they live in simplicity.

they have tough lives and hard times but sunshine continues to pour over them.

yesterday we were drenched in heat and sweat.

today it rained and we walked through the rain for what seemed like hours.

in one hour's time i'll be boarding the flight home,

and i have no idea if i will ever step into this beautiful land again.

it's time for reality.

say goodbye, don't cry and, smile. :)

andd,

i've not opened my blog for days and today i saw the hit counter and i was so happy.

thank you people for reading. x

love,

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.

2011-12-14T19:48:00.001+08:00

in the process of learning to be kind. :)

hoping for a better, kinder, new me in 2012.

wish me luck.

2011-12-14T19:23:00.005+08:00

People say nothing is impossible,

but i do nothing everyday.
hello fellow readers!

i really have no idea who still reads my blog ahaha.

been playing tetris battle whole day long.

it's been exactly one week since spm ended, but it

feels more like one year hahaha.

but anyway i'm so happy and contented so may time continue to pass by in this pace. :3

and we're going to Bali tomorrow!

finally something to look forward to and somewhere to be apart from at home alone in front of the computer screen and not knowing what to do.

failed to go watch ombak rindu alone today.

but Adham said he would watch it with me after i come back from Bali so yeaaaah.

i can't believe i'm doing nothing but i'm so tired.

k baiii,

love all of you! :)

Stay alive!

-Keep swimming in your ocean. :)

2011-12-13T18:09:00.002+08:00

My hair smells like strawberries! :)
and i'm feeling so lifeless.
gonna be home alone again tomorrow and i think i wanna go watch a movie alone.
i wanna watch ombak rindu ahaha really.
so pathetic ahaha who's free :(

2011-12-13T17:08:00.002+08:00

So i heard there's going to be a meteor shower tonight.
my sis told me this a couple of days ago and we'd kinda planned on camping out at the huge open car park upstairs because i doubt we'll be able to see it from our home cause there're too many trees and the sky is almost completely blocked by those branches and leaves but.
She just happened to go for some conference thingy and now i'm home alone.
so what,
am i supposed to camp outside at midnight alone.
:(

2011-12-12T19:16:00.003+08:00

12/12/2011 :)
happy birthday my beloved mummy.
God knows how blessed i am to be born as your child. :)
I can't possibly ask for more.
Thank you for every single thing you've done for all of us,
thank you for the time spent and energy sacrificed for the well being of our family,
thank you for the wonderfulness, your selfless sacrifice.
You know we love you,
although we can't express it enough.
you know we love you,
although all we could give are two pairs of cheap earrings and a card.
you know we love you,
although we can never repay all you've done for us.
But i will try my best.
One day i will make you proud.
I just need some time,
and your love.
:)
I love you Mummy,
happy birthday.

p/s :Thank you for giving me the privilege to spend time with you on this special day at the hairdresser's hahaha.

2011-12-10T14:31:00.004+08:00

I don't believe the words you say.
Cause people let go and forget.

It's time for a change.
I'm on my way. :)

Being so extremely restless these few days.
Trying to do things and then giving up.
During exam month i swore i will stay up whole night long reading novels and sleep till noontime after all this is over,
but now when i pick up a book i'd have to force myself through the first few pages and then give up and put it down.
sooo lifelessss.

2011-12-10T00:05:00.002+08:00

5 years gone with the wind.
I have received too much, learnt too much, smiled too much, understood too much.
I have cried a little, tripped sometimes, lost a few.
I have walked and ran, climbed and crawled, ducked and strutted.
5 years gone with the wind.
5 years that is gone, and always will be.

5 years built a strong me.
people say high school determines who a person will be.
in high school there will be people who will push you down, stab you in your back,
and people who will pull you up, and link your arms.
5 years of ups and downs,
sunshine and rain,
smiles and tears.
5 years full of tomorrows and yesterdays,
weeks and months.

But in the end they are all gone with the wind.
what remains are just fragments of memories, and the love of people who care, carved and left, in the depths of the heart.

I will not forget.

:)

-you can't lose what you never had, can't keep what isn't yours, can't hold onto someone who doesn't want to stay.

2011-12-06T19:00:00.001+08:00

曾经拥有的，不要忘记。
不能得到的，更要珍惜。
属于自己的，不要放弃。
已经失去的，留作回忆。

2011-11-18T13:34:00.004+08:00

So it's officially the last day of school. The last day of school for the year of 2011 for the juniors, but the last year of school for us form 5s. :) I find this kinda amusing..... Amused at how time flies. How year after year flies by in a few blinks of the eye. I can hardly imagine not preparing to go back to school and face a brand new class and batch of classmates in January. Appreciate school when you still have the chance to, cause no matter how much you say you hate it, you'll miss it the moment it's time for you to leave. ♥ You may not understand my feelings now, but one day you'll know. :) Goodbye juniors, do remember me. :) x

May the memories remain,

the joy, the sorrow.

the happiness, the pain.

The beautiful moments, the times of laughter.

The camps, kawad moments, different classes, wonderful classmates.

The people who stayed, the people who left.

The people who went, but left imprints that will never go away.

The people i loved, the people who loved me.

The people who taught me to love, the people who learnt to love me.

I may have hurt many, but believe me none are done intentionally.

Forgive me for my flaws, my childish ways.

Forgive me for not knowing to appreciate, until it's too late.

I let too much slip, i let too many go,

but at the end of this journey,

i hope for no hate.

No regrets, no hate, just love.

I appreciate every one of you, and everything every single one of you have done.

every little gesture, every little gift.

那个女孩，教会我成长
那个男孩，教会我爱

他们曾经出现在我的生命里
然后又消失不见

but i will not forget.

thank you for the love,

and sorry for the time you spent.

2011-11-15T18:31:00.002+08:00

Am i imagining this or you're like, mad at me for some reason i have no idea about....................

It's no time for this but i don't know what to do.........................

Enlighten me.

How am i supposed to react to this.

2011-11-10T18:01:00.001+08:00

People are leaving me.

Serves me right ahaha.

I'm so pathetic i can't stand myself.

2011-11-05T19:56:00.000+08:00

那个女孩，教会我成长
那个男孩，教会我爱
他们曾经出现在我的生命里
然后又消失不见
可是，我不相信他们是天使
他们是世间最普通的男孩和女孩
所以我就一直这么站在香樟树下等待着
因为我相信，他们总有一天会回来
回来找我，教会我更多的事 .

2011-11-04T19:16:00.006+08:00

I can't answer questions about why i'm so quiet these few days.

Like, i don't know but i've gotten so comfortable with the silence.

It's so scary actually.

And no it's not stress.

I'm not stressed.

I don't even feel anything and i only have 2 more weekends left before i step into the so called warzone.

I don't feel anything ,

nothing at all.

It's so scary.

It's like the calmness before a storm.

The emptiness.

The nothingness.

I guess i'm just going to freak out like,

a day before exam and i'd go like,

shiiiiiiiit.

What is this.

2011-10-29T02:00:00.001+08:00

我们停留在时光的原处, 其实早已被洪流无声地卷走 .

2011-10-25T08:26:00.001+08:00

Gooooooooooooooooooood morning . :)

2011-10-21T18:35:00.007+08:00

Stop wasting your time on non-existent hope.

There's no hope, none at all, don't you see that?

or do you want me to rub it into your face, scream it into your ears, show you before your eyes.

i don't get it.

you think you know what i'm thinking?

i'm sorry, but think again.

i do not exist in this world for you to understand me.

please.

2011-10-20T19:02:00.002+08:00

Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole 'in love' thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

i don't know i don't know i don't know .

2011-10-19T18:50:00.002+08:00

Rainy rainy day.

Thankful thankful day.

Another day closer.

Another day away.

A foot nearer.

A foot away.

rain rain don't go away

the sun can come back another day

2011-10-18T11:29:00.005+08:00

And my mum laughs and says:

"I like him ."

Hah.

And my friend sighs and says:

"I don't get why you don't like him."

And i say:

i don't know.

Cause i'm retarded and confused and stupid and

i never know what i want.

and even if i really want something i get paranoid and scared and i back away and say no .

so i never say yes.

And i let things slip away ,

just

that.

Too late, idiot,

he doesn't like you anymore.

you're replaced ,

and that's your punishment for being stupid .

Hah .

In reality ,

nobody's really going to wait forever .

Not anybody ,

not for anybody .

2011-10-18T07:12:00.003+08:00

'Go ahead, pass me in the halls and pretend I don't exist;

I hope every single time we make eye contact, you relive every memory we've ever had.

And I hope it hurts.'

i hardly see you anymore .

it's like you unattached yourself completely from my world .

Good thing.

If i was able to be happy before you came along , i will be able to be happy when you're gone .

那些曾经以为念念不忘的事情就在我们念念不忘的过程里，被我们遗忘了。

2011-10-16T21:39:00.001+08:00

How scary a thing like time can be.

2011-10-15T17:27:00.008+08:00

Graduated .

So we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now
'Cause you don't have another day
'Cause we're moving on and we can't slow it down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
I keep on thinking of the night in June
I didn't know much of love but it came too soon
And there was me and you when we got real blue
We'd stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd got so excited and get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels...

(CHORUS):
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever,
We will still be friends forever

Thank you for everything throughout these years .

through this five years people come and go

people i've learnt to love and know are no longer close to heart ,

and people who were once complete strangers are now the ones who sincerely care the most .

people who stayed throughout ,

thank you ;

lost friends ,

thank you ;

people who love me ,

thank you .

i have empty hands and no idea how to repay all the kindness you've given me because they are uncountable .

but just know that i will remember everything ,

and never forget .

:')

i've had hard times and happy days .

i thank god new people come into my life every year cause the ones i found really worth clinging on to appeared only in the later years .

thank you .

我们不止一次牵手承诺过要一起毕业的.

Graduation once seemed a dream so far away ,

and now that it's over ,

i find only emptiness and nothing else .

post dedicated especially to :

Baby YinSiew , Hyn-yi , Melvyn , Yik Kai , Kimberly , Najlaa, Najah , WeiTheng , KeetMann , All of 5J , Lost friends .

All my heart goes to all of you .

2011-10-12T17:07:00.004+08:00

I carry your heart with me .

Missing you gets easier every day because even though i am one day further from the last time i met you , i am one day closer to the next time i will . :)

2011-10-11T19:21:00.002+08:00

i've never felt this way before .

Oh goddddddddddd thank you. :')

i bet you'll never ever know how much everything meant to me .

I can't believe it either .

And soon it's all coming to an abrupt end .

Soon there will be no more turning back .

No more tomorrows or next weeks or next years that we tend to take for granted .

No more .

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down ,

these memories are playing like a film without sound . :')

Shall words unsaid be left unsaid?

Will you ever know that near you there's a person who has been crushing on you deeply although you've never realized .

I want to let you know ,

but i've promised her i will not .

Goodbye .

IMYH. :)

2011-10-09T19:32:00.002+08:00

God's being kind to me . :)

那些曾经以为念念不忘的事情就在我们念念不忘的过程里，被我们遗忘了。

2011-10-08T06:58:00.000+08:00

Heartacheee .
Whyyyy . Everything's messed up now .

2011-10-07T18:47:00.005+08:00

had a happy week !

Ehehehe .

Except for the fact that i sleep way too early every night this week although i know SPM's thirty-what? thirty eight days away?

I need stress cause i'm not producing any on my own

i'm like, staring at people reading history in school everyday and all i do is open my book and daydream .

Aaaaaand the bengkel thingy with Sains Selangor was great ? :)

Thank you Yik Kai for giving me the chance to go! You made my week . :)

and nowww i'm like ,

back to SAB but my mind's still lingering somewhere there and i'm dragging myself around like a walking zombie smiling at everything and everyone .

There's a busy week ahead .

I can't tell whether i'm looking forward to everything's that to come or i don't want the days to ever arrive .

I think there's a blend of both .

Like, i'm excited about graduation but

I don't want to ever graduate .

I'm serious .

Next Monday .

2011-10-05T18:43:00.002+08:00

Eeeesh why you so comel . :(

ufiehafuhdsvakjdbvajbavncvmcvajqwertyuiopasdfghjkl;zxcvbnm, <3

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

2011-09-29T17:42:00.003+08:00

And i wonder if i ever cross your mind .

The day you left i didn't expect it to be the last time i'll be seeing you in a long , long time .

memories and feelings fade with time like how sandcastles are washed away by the tide

i don't think about you too often

but i still do

and today i missed you like shit

no idea why .

i miss you so much that i wear your name around my neck and it makes me feel safe and i don't know why .

i'm an idiot .

i wonder if i'll even have the chance to give you your birthday present .

i miss eu .

2011-09-26T19:09:00.002+08:00

Smile smile SMILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. :D

Life's too short to be unhappy .

Life's too beautiful to not be happy . :)

Cherish .

Love .

2011-09-22T19:52:00.004+08:00

And it will find you too . (:

Smile .

Just know that i'm doing this so you wouldn't get hurt further .

I'm trying so hard to do it the soft way .

I don't want this.

I hate this .

I hate that everyone is talking and laughing it off and no one knows how miserable i feel about it .

离去，让事情变得简单，人们变得善良，像个孩子一样，我们重新开始。

i know what you're doing ,

and i appreciate everything ;

but i don't know what else i can do to repay them .

2011-09-18T15:10:00.005+08:00

A single comment nearly brought me to tears .

And what's more , it's dropped by a stranger , someone probably miles and miles away , across seas , under faraway skies .

Someone i'd probably never have the chance to meet in my lifetime .

Thankyou , stranger . :)

you know who you are . :)

although i don't see you as a stranger cause i'm sure that if God gave us the chance , we'd be best friends .

i just wanted to let you know that you totally made my day !

May God bless you in everything you do and may you be able to smile and go through the sweetest moments in life with people who care . :)

Have a nice day !

2011-09-16T19:53:00.001+08:00

I couldn't have asked for a better class .

Words are insufficient to express how lucky and blessed i am .

Love all of you , so so much .

a video created with all my heart .

may the memories live on .

2011-09-10T22:33:00.002+08:00

還需要多久　多長　多傷
你才會聽見他沒說的話.

2011-09-09T22:01:00.005+08:00

I'm tired of all this .

Tired of even just listening .

i don't want to hurt you ,

but sometimes ,

it's just so so tiring .

i just want to lead a simple happy life like what i'm doing now .

i just love being surrounded by simple happy people .

i want to laugh at the simplest joys .

so don't drag me back into the complicated world .

no i don't want this .

don't include me in anything you say ,

please ,

and keep me out of your daily gossips .

我不寂寞,我只是一个人而已 ,我的世界有我一个人就好,已经足够热闹

2011-09-08T19:22:00.003+08:00

We're running out of time .

:')

now we hardly have time to stop and breathe .

i'm cherishing every step i take in this beautiful school ,

from the step into the school gate , every step along the long corridors , and the step into the class .

it's the small things that will take up the biggest space in our hearts .

one day we will look back and miss the simplest moments and little joys .

Two more months .

时间在窗外缓慢踱步，曰子就这样一天一天过去了。

2011-09-04T21:55:00.003+08:00

Now in hands ;

夏至未至 ; 郭敬明.

beautifully written . :')

every single line .

总有一天我会从你身边默默地走开,不带任何声响;我错过了很多,我总是一个人难过.

天空的飞鸟,是你的寂寞比我多,还是我的孤单比你多.剩下的时光,你陪我,好不好;

这样你不寂寞,我也不会孤单.

沉默的浮云,是你的难过比我多,还是我的隐忍比你多.以后的路程,忘记我,好不好;

这样你不难过，我也忘记了回忆.

2011-09-03T10:28:00.000+08:00

Saturday mornin' .

Hullo . ;)

2011-09-02T08:50:00.000+08:00

2011-09-01T14:11:00.002+08:00

她閉上眼睛什麼都看不見。你睜開眼睛又看見了什麼？

她們一起閉上眼睛想像世界變得美好，然後再睜開眼睛只看見最美好的. <3

2011-08-31T21:05:00.005+08:00

Bittersweet year ;

Months are practically flying past .

Can you believe that August is ending tonight ?

How many more months till we'll go our separate ways and say goodbye ?

I am afraid of feeling the emptiness when i am eventually forced out of this daily schooling routine ,

But now the only thing i can do is look forward to every coming day and appreciate the simple things that are in my hands .

At least now they're in my hands .

They surround me and settle in my palms ,

and i can easily and effortlessly grasp them .

But this won't last forever .

One day they will be out of our reach ,

and that one day is approaching nearer with each day -

this,

is what i'm reminding myself over and over again every single day .

i want this to never end .

this sounds stupid but ,

i'd love reliving these five years worth of secondary school days over and over again .

i'd choose not to grow up .

i'd choose not to leave .

there are people eager to leave .

eager to escape school life ,

eager to thrust themselves into the welcoming embrace of the future .

but i'd rather stay here .

i'd rather stay here today .

2011-08-28T21:37:00.008+08:00

I can feel the fire blazing underneath those lines .

to be really honest i know i understand how it feels .

trust me , i do .

the truth is ,

as much as i try to live and smile in denial and ignorance ,

i've been struggling through this for months as well ,

and i'm ready to let out a sigh of relief when all this finally comes to an end .

we can all be happy together , i guess .

but some things cannot be said .

some lines cannot be crossed .

be careful ,

as much as you say you don't care ,

this will erupt into a disaster you wouldn't want to be stuck in .

it's not fun , no .

it's going to make the smallest matters transform into the biggest fights .

Cause the truth is ,

nobody is going to act like nothing is felt .

nobody is going to pretend nothing is read .

every line will cast a deep mark on every heart ,

and will be remembered forever .

just like how certain words hurt you ,

your own words out of anger and hate will become daggers ,

and hurt too .

i'm not taking sides ,

no way .

i have no right to .

i don't even think i belong to the side which i belong to .

but the truth is ,

bad things are always going to happen in life .

People will hurt you ,

with knives ,

with stones ,

with words .

but that doesn't mean you should use that as a reason to hurt people back .

Why be like them ?

why make people suffer the pain you're suffering ?

why allow yourself to be unhappy and blinded with hatred ?

Nothing's easy ,

everything's tougher than said .

but ,

this will end ,

everything will .

no one can stop you from smiling ,

when you allow yourself to be happy .

you have all rights to do what you want to do ,

but is this really worth it ?

the end is so near anyway .

2011-08-25T23:12:00.005+08:00

Easy easy easy easy .

let go let go let go let go.

forgive forgive forgive forgive.

forget forget forget forget ,

smile smile smile smile smile .

i'm trying .

it's hard but i'm trying .

it's becoming easier with each step though . :)

i'm going through .

bear in mind that i'm trying ,

and don't be offended if i can't reply your smile .

i will try harder the next time our glances clash .

i promise i will .

so give me time , alright ?

i will smile at you when i'm ready .

i will not look away again .

i don't hate you .

i don't .

no hate no hate no hate .

this is a beautiful world .

i can't pollute it's beauty with my hatred and selfishness .

i will not i will not i will not .

no.

life's more than this .

life's more beautiful than the eye sees .

you know this post is for you right .

not you .

i can hold your gaze for a few seconds but my mouth struggles to curve into a smile .

it's not as easy as it seems .

i don't want to hate you .

at night when i turn off the lights and lie on my bed in the darkness ,

i often say a little prayer wishing for tomorrow to be a better day .

wishing that tomorrow i'll be able to face you with a smile .

one day it will happen .

i will make it happen .

tomorrow maybe ?

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

2011-08-21T19:43:00.004+08:00

i won't delete the past ,

i want to look back in the future and be able to smile for once having them .

broken relationships are a phase of life , they're not beautiful , but the memories are , the happy times are .

at least they are to me . :)

2011-08-20T18:35:00.005+08:00

Best Saturday in weeeeeeeks . ♥

Cleared my study desk that has been piled with dozens of books and papers .

evidence of examinations .

felt sooo good to get rid of them . All went into the box . i literally let out a sigh of relief when i finally closed the lid . :)

anddd i found a lot of bits and pieces from the past . Some from a few days back , some a year or two back .

All brought back beautiful memories .

Nostalgia .

found a shoe box and placed them carefully inside .

years later i shall smile and tear when i look at them . :)

can't wait for the time when i'd look back and feel the surge of warmth go through my heart .

life's gooooood .

finished my book on the bed accompanied by afternoon sunlight .

scanned the bookshelves in the living room and found a new one to start with .

i love how saturdays and books and my family make me smile .

this is one thing i've learnt about life this year .

Appreciate the simple things in life .

Simplicity is beautiful . Life is filled with beauty .

It just depends on how you look at it . ♥

anddddd btw .

i actually don't know if anybody's still reading my blog.

i'm like talking to myself hmmm although i don't really mind .

The chatbox's dead .

live a footprint there please ? :)

let me know you care. ♥

2011-08-20T06:38:00.003+08:00

Just when you think your life's a mess and you're in pain ,

remember that out there there are so many other people who're suffering so much more than you .

why don't you just learn to appreciate things for how wonderful they are ,

and how blessed you are to still be breathing ?

for still having a roof above your head ,

and food on the table .

Even if you're suffering , you're not the only one .

Repeat ;

It's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay .

I've officially moved on .

It's not that hard after all .

2011-08-18T20:06:00.002+08:00

Two long weeks

shall be left behind now ,

we've all survived . :)

I think trials was fun .

not every part of it is , but when i piece together the bits and pieces ,

the moments make me smile .

I will miss the feeling of reaching school with a thick reference book and jacket it my arms , not that i'll be studying on the way , not that i'll even feel cold ; it's just because having them close make me feel safe .

I will miss the feeling of stepping into class and noticing how abnormally packed the room is , with people here and there in small groups or big ones , repeating facts to each other , flipping through pages frantically , glancing at the clock every minute .

I will miss the feeling of grabbing my books and settling down in my own study group , listening to my friends state facts and definitions , and realizing oh shit what's that i forgot to read that part .

I will miss the feeling of asking my friends for random facts and answering their questions .

I will miss how every one in the class and everyone next door and everyone on the first floor of our block is freaking out over the papers to come , all studying at the same time , pondering over the same subject .

I will miss how we grumbled when the prefect comes it and switches off the light switch .

i will miss how we managed to squirt our eyes in the darkness and wait until we get shooed outside .

I will miss how we sit and stand outside in lines , all with hands loaded with papers and books , eyes not stopping , mouth not stopping , brains twisting and turning .

I will miss how we grab the golden chance for last minute study after the song , anticipation building up as the minutes draw nearer .

I will miss how frustrated teachers appear at the door and scream at us .

I will miss how we flip a few more pages , stuff a few more facts into our heads , and grab our pens and pencils and calculators .

I will miss how we recite our facts like song lyrics on the way to the hall as we cross the corridors , mixed feelings bubbling .

I will miss how we walk into the hall and feel the cold air against our skins , and how people start pulling on jackets of rainbow colours .

I will miss how i'll walk to my seat on the third row , and how i'll be greeted with smiles from people around me .

people feeling exactly the same as how i feel .

i will miss how i'll stare at the mysterious exam paper in front of me , and how i'd say a little silent prayer , hoping topics i've skipped and ignored will not appear on the pages .

I will miss how we will carefully flip one side of the front page up to take a quick peek on the questions inside , and how the teacher will snap at us to wait till we're instructed to do so .

i will miss how when the teacher announces that we may start , we can hear the sound of papers flipping , pens being picked up , silence settling down .

i will miss how i felt throughout the hours , how my eyes went huge over alien like questions , how my heart thumps through tough papers , how i smile when i come across a few rare easy ones .

i will miss how i'd bite my finger and freak out , trying to recall stuff i've forgotten , facts i've tossed into the back of my head .

i will miss how after i finish my paper i'd check for blanks , write stupid stuff on alien questions , and pray that the teacher will have some symphathy when she marks my paper, pray how i can at least get one mark out of three from the crap i'm writing .

i will miss how my wrist aches when i write too much crap in my essay , how my head aches when i try to push it further , how i hope for all this to end .

i will miss how after i'm able to sit back and relax , i'd notice how much more time i have left .

i will miss how i'd look around and spot different expressions on different people ; some are engaged in writing marathons , some are looking stressed up , some are looking confident , some are looking blank and dreamy , some are done and sleeping .

I see from my seat in front , people in jackets of rainbow colours , some with hoods up , some with sleeves up .

I will miss how the silent hall feels .

I will miss how when the day eventually ends , we all feel a piece of burden let off our shoulders . we sink into chairs and are able to smile again .

we look up into the sky and think oh god it's over .

and then the realization hits us and we realize that it's not over yet , a long way in still ahead .

we sigh and say Sejarah tomorrow or Physics next or Chemistryyyyyy or Oh nooo Bio .

and days pass by just like that .

it all feels like yesterday but today it's over .

we lost track of everything through this two weeks especially the date .

I forgot the date .

and i just realized august is ending .

in no time at all .

SPM First Trial 2011 ;

2011-08-15T01:12:00.002+08:00

Don't act like you know something when you actually don't .

2011-08-13T15:19:00.010+08:00

When people you know become people you knew ;

That's a sign that life has to go on .

Because such is life ,

things come and things go ,

and sometimes ,

you just don't need to do anything about it .

just remember that people that are worth your love and tears will stay till the end .

appreciate the ones that stay ,

and learn to let go of the ones that leave ,

because they're probably a lot better off beside someone else and not you .

i'm a happy girl .

i've learnt a second lesson ,

and i thank you so much for it .

it's the same lesson over again ,

the same loss ,

the same tears .

but that's okay because that's a sign that i'm growing up again . ;)

and growing up is good . :)

and you miss C , eventhough how much you're trying to deny it ,

it's obvious that you're hurt too .

but that's okay ,

cause at least we still have each other ,

as long as you don't leave ,

i'll keep holding on to us . :)

i love you .

how do you expect me to smile at you ,

when you can't even look me in the eyes .

you say that people leave because they don't appreciate their relationship anymore ,

then is that why you've left ?

i don't think that matters anymore .

when people you know become people you knew ,

you start forgetting how they were before .

you start feeling that those times before are like faraway dreams ,

and days that will never come back again .

those days and memories are breathtakingly beautiful ,

but beautiful things don't last .

Red roses wilt ,

rainbows fade .

i am here ,

but you have left .

then i must accept your decision and walk on ,

and do not look back .

because you're better off without me .

i'm not blaming anyone so don't spend your time saying shit about me .

and even if you do ,

at least make sure i won't overhear your conversation .

because i just did .

my memories with you were beautiful ,

thank you .

you'll live on in my heart no matter what .

thanks for the memories .

although i've imagined created some more beside you . :')

i'm not supposed to say this ,

but even though how much i deny ,

i will always love and miss you no matter what .

but i have to let go because that's what you want me to do ,

isn't it .

so i'll do as i am told .

i will not complain and i will not shed any more tears .

life is longer and more complicated that we think it is .

i'm just seventeen , young and carefree .

there are people out there suffering more than i am .

i don't even know what pain is .

i'm blessed and loved and cared for ,

i'm not even losing any blood .

it's just another person i've loved becoming a stranger ,

what's the big deal about that .

i will not talk about hate ,

will not talk about sadness and hurt ,

will not talk about how i feel ,

will not talk about what we were .

i will remember ,

but i will not greed to get you back anymore .

because everyone has their own choices ,

and this is yours .

Life still goes on and on and on .

it's not even the end of the world yet .

we may not be close friends anymore , but deep inside me we still are .

you're not changing ,

you're just going back to the you you were .

the you you were years ago before i came and broke the glass .

i have no right to stop you ,

you're just going back to being you ,

going back to a happy life with people you've loved ,

a happy life which i'm not included in .

Mei guan xii ,

ni kuai le jiu hao le .

wo ming bai ni mei you gai bian

zhi shi hui dao le cong qian de ni

zhao hui le cong qian shu yu ni de kuai le he gan qing :)

ni wen guo yi ju,

ru guo ming nian wo hui dao zui yuan shi de wo , ni men hui zen yang ?

zhe ju hua wo jing tian cai xiang qi .

wo zi qian nan guo zhi shi ying wei kong zhi bu zhu qing xu .

ni shi di er ge li wo er qu de peng you ,

wo zhi shi mei xiang guo ni hui li kai ,

yi shi fan ying bu guo lai ,

ru ci er yi .

ru guo shang hai dao ni le ,

wo gen ni shuo sheng dui bu qi .

dan yuan wo men de hui yi shi zhen shi de ,

dan yuan ni bu hui wang ji wo men yi qian zai yi qi de shi hou ,

ceng jing kuai le de xiao guo .

wo bu xi wang wo men zi jian zhi hui ji zhu zhe xie bei shang ,

er wang diao ceng jing de xing fu .

wo you tai duo hua xiang dui ni shuo le ,

dan wo bu neng ba ta quan bu shuo chu lai .

wo wei yi xi wang de shi ni yi qian gen wo men zai yi qi de shi hou ,

bing bu shi dai zhe wei xiao de mian ju .

wo xi wang wo men zhen de rang ni kuai le guo ,

er bu shi zhi shi ni li kai guo qu de dai ti ping .

wo xian zai yao fang shou le ,

ying wei wo bu xi wang wo de wan liu hui rang ni nan guo .

wo bu xiang zhu zhi ni de xing fu .

zai jian .

2011-08-07T18:28:00.003+08:00

Good evening world . :)

Today is 07th August 2011 ;

Yesterday i had the most blessed birthday ever .

It made me realize and feel the simple love and bliss of relationships and life , the simple happiness brought to me by people who genuinely care .

thank you to every single one of you beautiful souls who made me feel loved . :')

Life is beautiful and full of wonder .

I wish i will be able to live up to the expectations of people who love me and of myself.

No more hatred ,

Just love.

2011-08-06T07:58:00.001+08:00

wei yi neng gei wo an wei de pian zhang dou shan chu le . :)

mei guan xii .

2011-08-03T20:11:00.001+08:00

Ni yong yuan bu hui zhi dao . :)

2011-08-02T17:06:00.003+08:00

simple things are not so simple anymore .

Tell you what ,

i'm just a pathetic person who still hasn't been able to fully understand the meaning of friendship .

i'm gaining immunity .

i'm going to be happy .

i'm going to be able to face you and smile without hurting inside .

One day .

Holding on ,

letting go .

Forgive

but

Never Forget .

Memories fade away ,

just like that .

people forget ,

just like that .

2011-07-28T17:28:00.002+08:00

A lot of words shall be left unsaid .
A lot of hurt and disappointment shall be swallowed .
Because we know things will be better this way .
Silence is golden .
you're not the only one with words
you're not the only one swallowing them .
you're not the only one feeling miserable
i've been through this too .
and i still am going through .

just smile , and let things go naturally .
just smile .

i'm glad you didn't say anything more .
that was enough to shatter glass .
i'll never forget .

2011-07-22T18:37:00.000+08:00

Jealousy kills . :')

2011-07-21T18:15:00.000+08:00

ni kuai le le ,
dan wo bei shang hai le .
you mei you xiang guo wo de gan shou ? :')

2011-07-20T23:18:00.002+08:00

I feel like i'm drifting around . :)

Something is gone between us

and inside me .

something is broken

and i don't know if i'll ever be able to fix it back .

i wonder if it will heal on it's own

eventually .

maybe not .

maybe all this is meant to be .

perhaps i shouldn't have put too much hope into us .

it's all smashing into me now . :)

i'm smiling like an idiot .

life's beautiful .

i'm breathing

and never more alive .

2011-07-14T17:44:00.001+08:00

aihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Please ,

tell me you still care .

i'm losing faith

i'm feeling like you're slipping out of my reach .

since when did this start .

when is this going to end .

how am i supposed to look forward to tomorrow .

it's just going to hurt more .

2011-07-12T18:52:00.003+08:00

How many people actually really keep their promises?

i hope you really do. :')

why do you sound so fking distant?

maybe cause you always have been.

maybe cause our times were just to escape some reality

and when things go back the pretty way

you'd just leave.

2011-07-09T00:32:00.003+08:00

Today ,

someone told me that everytime he sees my smile i make his day.

i can't express how touched i felt with that sentence ,

it totally made my day.

thankyou for saying that ;

even if it was just a random and meaningless statement to you ,

but it means a great lot to me .

i've never ever thought i could make someone's day ,

and it just,

makes me feel beautiful to be able to do so.

it's a wonderful feeling.

2011-07-07T22:36:00.003+08:00

已经开始想念你了，朋友。

才不过短短几天。

多么期望这一切只不过是暂时性的，

不断安慰自己再过一些时候你会回来。

玩累了就回来吧，

我一步也不会走，

就站在原地等你。:)

但愿你与我们之间的距离不会越拉越远。

我真的累了

你就别流浪得太远

要记得回家的路。♥

2011-07-06T18:23:00.002+08:00

What did i do ;

Tell me in my face.

Stop making things so incredibly complicated

and me feeling so incredibly horrible.

i did not do anything that deserves such treatment.

2011-07-05T19:03:00.003+08:00

allow your thoughts and words to filter through your head before spitting them out .

think twice ;

even if your mouth belongs to you

that doesn't mean that everything must be said .

that doesn't mean that you should say anything you want .

that doesn't mean that everyone can take whatever you say lightly .

anyone can laugh something off easily

but that doesn't mean it has not left a mark on one's heart ;

that doesn't mean it will be easily forgotten .

something insignificant to you might mean a great damn lot to someone else.

some words are best not spoken aloud.

sticks and stones may break my bones

but words can hurt a soul.

unintentional.

Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only worlds you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.

-Taylor Swift.

2011-07-01T16:22:00.003+08:00

I hope you're okay ;

i don't like this one bit .

it sucks to see people get hurt and know that i'm not capable to do anything to make them feel better .

it's like someone's bleeding in front of me and i can only just sit there and watch .

feel worried and watch .

sucks big time.

2011-06-30T19:07:00.003+08:00

i am afraid

that one day i will forget

how it feels like

to do all these simple daily things

which i do everyday

in my life now.

it's so scary

how time is flying by so fast

i just don't want to

look back and regret years from now.

how am i supposed to act

what am i supposed to do

to stop this from sinking deeper.

i hate all this.

i hate history repeating

again and again.

do i look happy to you?

i think i'm growing up

every day this year.

that's what i've been doing

and am still doing

as this year flies by.

i've learnt so much of things

that i've been oblivious to in the past.

they hit me square in the face

topple me down ;

but i'm sure

that they are the things

that will hold me up in the future.

2011-06-29T19:46:00.000+08:00

Thank you ;

for making me feel loved,

protected,

cared for,

and important.

Thank you.

2011-06-26T21:02:00.002+08:00

I still miss you

after so long.

because i'm a dork.

a dork who looks through your pictures which i have seen too many times

and can still squeeze a tear out of my eye.

i was stupid

and i still am.

i keep telling myself it's okay

that i should be grateful

because at least you were by me once

at least i still have the memories to lean on.

but they aren't much

they're so little i can count them.

and i regret so much

for not creating some more.

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

DESCRIBES MY FEELINGS NOW EXACTLY.

OH god i miss you.

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger

'Til they're before your eyes

2011-06-23T17:10:00.002+08:00

只要你快乐，我会比你更快乐的，

我是说真的；

只要你快乐。

2011-06-20T12:30:00.001+08:00

ironic, and exotically painful . :)

No more hurtful words,

no more,

i promise you now and here.

2011-06-19T18:45:00.002+08:00

至少现在的我快乐多了。

看到现在的你我好像看到以前的自己。

那种感觉有种说不上的奇妙。

我希望你也会找到快乐；

勇敢地放开让你难过的人事物，

让你感到沉重的感情；

放手吧，

让自己快乐些，

证明给不会珍惜你的人看你没有他们不止活得下去，

还能活得更好。

祝福你，

快乐。:)

2011-06-12T13:45:00.002+08:00

yesterday it hurt so much i could hardly breathe. i stared out of the window and started comforting myself, telling myself that everything's gonna be okay.

i felt so lonely there and then.

it hurt so much to feel that way.

sometimes words are not enough.

i should have told you how much you meant to me.

我的心早已冷却

笑容是虚的

双眼是一片无底的空洞的

那么

我还拥有什么。

为什么即使没有可能

却仍那样努力地期盼着

我快要连作梦的勇气都失去了。

one step at a time.

2011-06-06T23:07:00.002+08:00

Back and refreshed. :)

Inspired to transform.

2011-05-26T23:00:00.003+08:00

so fking fed up with the world

and the failures and disappointments

and the soon to come so called holidays

that i'd rather go to school then have

if the consequences are what we have to face to accept them.

i keep getting yelled at for no reason at all.

like wtf i'm here on the verge trying my very best to change everything you hate about me but you still do this to me .

i hate losing my mood.

especially when it happens out of the blue and everybody around me stares and has worried looks on their faces and ask are you okaaaaaay? why are you so saddddd.

well of course i know that's concern but please

you can say anything else than that

i hate saying yes i'm okay when i'm feeling so miserable i wanna die.

AND i don't even know why.

it's taken away with the wind

gone in a mist

leaving specks of forgotten hope

and a grasp of cold air

and nothing else.

2011-05-24T17:16:00.002+08:00

i miss babylon.

so so so so so much.

especially when i see groups with their new groups for camp. :')

but i don't want any new groups,

i just want the old group back.

i miss all of you.

good luck weihwei. xx

2011-05-22T07:25:00.002+08:00

Today i woke up at six.

i looked out of the window and the sky was still there, dark and mysterious and still there.

it's a brand new day and i'm still here.

i'm never more alive and breathing.

2011-05-14T11:41:00.003+08:00

Hey, remember me?

you're so far ahead now that i can hardly see half your shadow anymore; and here i am still stuck behind struggling and taking one step at a time.

in front of me, behind me, i can see nothing but the endless darkness of a swamp. time itself slogged along in rhythm with my faltering steps. the people around me have gone on ahead long before, while my time and i hung back, struggling through the mud. the world around me was on the verge of great transformations. i trudged along through each day in its turn, rarely looking up, eyes locked on the never-ending swamp that lay before me; planting my right foot, raising my left; planting my left foot, raising my right, never sure where i was, never sure i was headed in the right direction, knowing only that i had to keep moving, one step at a time.

Norwegian Wood ; Haruki Murakami.

i miss you so fking much.

am i never gonna see you ever again .

2011-05-14T11:00:00.001+08:00

And who do you think you are

running 'round leaving scars

collecting your jar of hearts

and tearing love apart

you're gonna catch a cold

from the ice inside your soul.

2011-05-05T19:05:00.002+08:00

Maybe parallel lines can intersect once in a time, eh?

does no harm right. :P

i realized i actually miss fighting with you and the way you talk. it seems like we'll forever be arguing as long as we're talking to each other. :)

i hate to say this,

but it's really nice to at least feel like a lost friend is back.